Lost Golden Girl Revealed...

After three rounds of flu, I expected things to calm down this week. I was wrong.

1. I woke up Tuesday morning and couldn't bite down without writhing in pain (even after two Motrin and 15 mils of Lortab).

2. I spent Tuesday afternoon at the dentist, where it was discovered I would need not one, but two root canals. However, I couldn't have the procedures done until Wednesday.

3. The "go ahead and bend over," vein continued when I found out I'd have to pay $1000 for the pleasure.

4. I spent the first part of that evening woozy from the meds the dentist gave me. The rest was spent alternating between embracing the cold tile of my bathroom floor and hanging face first above the porcelain pipeline.

5. I spent almost five hours in the dentist's office the next morning.

6. I did not get nitrous because they were OUT.

7. This made me very ANGRY. If you're going to inflict five hours of intense pain on me, at least get me high enough that I don't care. Nitrous is the only thing that makes going to the dentist tolerable. I don't do "the street drugs" as my friend Dian calls them. Nitrous is a high I'm allowed to legally enjoy every few years or so. I did not appreciate being denied the pleasure.

8. The dentist used a shield, which is basically a big latex glove they stretch over your face while they work on the one tooth they pull through the rubber. You can't talk, you can't swallow, you can basically only gesture with your eyes. (At least, that's all I could do, because they put that radiation vest over me when they took x-rays and failed to take it off after. I must say, if a cell phone signal can be received under that vest, I don't have a lot of hope for it keeping out radiation. But what do I know?)

9. I got to pick whatever I wanted to watch on the fancy flat screen hanging from the ceiling "to distract me." I picked Golden Girls. Because I love Golden Girls.

10. The dentist does not.

11. Yet, he gave a running commentary, occasionally accepting asides from the dental assistant. He didn't know all the names of the Golden Girls. He kept insisting there was a Norma.

12. 0_O

13. I, being an expert on all things Golden, wanted desperately to correct him. Unfortunately, I could not, as I was drowning in my own saliva while being smothered by a rubber sheet.

14. My Crazy Tummy spilled over into this morning, so I ran a bath to amuse the Spider Monkey while I spent more time face-first in the porcelain bus. He took it upon himself to flood the upstairs bathroom.

15. As I type, there are buckets catching drippy-drips of water as they fall to my kitchen floor.

16. And in conclusion, the dentist's office ran my insurance wrong. My grand total for three days of pain was $1500.

We haven't figured out the grand total for the water damage.


  1. That sounds awful! (except for the Golden Girls) Here's to better days!!!
    (When I was in college, my girlfriends and I watched the Girls and named ourselves after them. They named me after Betty White's character because she was flighty!!!! Who me?)

  2. 'Troubles come not in singles, but in battalions.' I've found this to be oh so true. Sorry this dark wisdom is being visited upon you! Wishing you a speedy recovery!

  3. Here's the good news: All that stuff made for a highly entertaining blog post. So at least I feel good.

  4. Oh, PMM, how grateful I am that my life creates blog fodder for your enjoyment. ;)

    Thanks, Tricia! I hated missing yesterday. My kitchen ceiling also hates that I missed yesterday.

    Heather - Thanks! I feel better already. *looks over shoulder for battalions*

    Kelly - I AM ROSE, TOO. Oh mai. I have also been dubbed Phoebe from friends. I don't play the guitar OR sing. So I don't know where that came from.

  5. You so need a new dentist. Really.

    And BTW, I like your new layout :-)

  6. Thanks, K. I'm trying to match my website so I can port it in instead of starting a new blog.

    We'll see. ;)

  7. That day sounds absolutely horrible (except for the Golden Girls part... I love them, too), but somehow I was laughing the whole time!

    Hope you feel better (and the water damage wasn't too costly)!

  8. Oh my gosh, Myra. Speechless. Hope you feel better soon.


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