9/20/2009

Saturday Night Lies - Week One

I've decided to start a weekly feature here at Writing Finally called Saturday Night Lies.

Every Saturday night I'm going to post a blurb, back cover copy from a fictional work of fiction. Using the comments section, dear readers, I want you to fill in the blanks. Whoever has the most creative/funny/wrong entry will be declared winner.

After four weeks/four winners, I'll post all four blurbs in their entirety and give you a chance to vote for your favorite. The winner will write a Saturday Night Lies blurb of their own and get to choose a book from my review library. (And to all those people I owe books/gift cards ... look for them in the mail in the next week or so. Yes, I'm a slacker.)

Here's the offering for this week (and yes, it's late ... see slacker statement above.):

"Joe Smith has had one goal since his kindergarten class took a field trip to the fire department - to be a fireman. When he fails the physical due to ___________, he has to settle for taking a job _____________ for the fire crew while waiting for the next test date to roll around. Then, one fateful night, his beloved Dalmatian, ____________, gets loose in the firehouse and damages thousands of dollars worth of equipment with a cocked leg and poor aim. Joe knows his carelessness further endangers his lifelong dream.

Enter Ambrosia, his grade school crush, former ____________ and the fire chief's daughter. She tells Joe she has information that could help him achieve his goal - which she'll be glad to share - if Joe can help her conquer a rabid pack of zombie __________ before they ____________."


Have fun! I can't wait to see what y'all come up with! And RIP, Patrick Swayze. You were a class act.

7 comments:

  1. Oh you know I couldn't resist this!

    Here are my fill in the blanks:

    1. herniated spleen the size of Yonkers

    2. trolling the fast-food circuit in search of free tacos

    3. Bellalicious

    4. food eating champion

    5. Goats!

    6. snack their way through the brains of every single human on the planet. Plus those currently habitating the space station. And even, as a last resort, Joan Rivers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joe Smith has had one goal since his kindergarten class took a field trip to the fire department to be a fireman. When he fails the physical due to a surprising but temporary case of pyrophobia, he has to settle for giving the stop, drop, and roll speech to school kids while waiting for the next test date to roll around. Then, one fateful night, his beloved Dalmatian, Crazy Legs Hirsch, gets loose in the firehouse and damages thousands of dollars worth of equipment with a cocked leg and poor aim. Joe knows his carelessness further endangers his lifelong dream.

    Enter Ambrosia, his grade school crush, former cat lover and the fire chief's daughter. She tells Joe she has information that could help him achieve his goal - which she'll be glad to share - if Joe can help her conquer a rabid pack of zombie hermaphrodites before they poison the batter at the annual Pancake Breakfast Fundraiser."

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Joe Smith has had one goal since his kindergarten class took a field trip to the fire department - to be a fireman. When he fails the physical due to an ingrown toenail resulting from the last kickball game with the Brassy Bigfoots, he has to settle for taking a job dancing the Can Can--Cabaret style--for the fire crew while waiting for the next test date to roll around. Then, one fateful night, his beloved Dalmatian, Spotty McSpoterton, gets loose in the firehouse and damages thousands of dollars worth of equipment with a cocked leg and poor aim. Joe knows his carelessness further endangers his lifelong dream.

    Enter Ambrosia, his grade school crush, former World's Strongest Man Champion and the fire chief's daughter. She tells Joe she has information that could help him achieve his goal - which she'll be glad to share - if Joe can help her conquer a rabid pack of zombie brains before they think their way out of the box and reveal the truth behind the popular, yet no longer relevant, game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh NOOOOOOOO you changed your layouts. I so loved the other one!!! *pouts*

    Awesome contest idea. Have retweeted via Werecat1

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Joe Smith has had one goal since his kindergarten class took a field trip to the fire department - to be a fireman. When he fails the physical due to priapis (also known as an erection that won't go away) causing his usually strong physical abilities to be somewhat diminished, he has to settle for taking a job tracking down fire victims to fill out a department performance survey for the fire crew while waiting for the next test date to roll around. Then, one fateful night, his beloved Dalmatian, PeaBrain, gets loose in the firehouse and damages thousands of dollars worth of equipment with a cocked leg and poor aim. Joe knows his carelessness further endangers his lifelong dream.


    Enter Ambrosia, his grade school crush, former professional ballroom dancing partner and the fire chief's daughter. She tells Joe she has information that could help him achieve his goal - which she'll be glad to share - if Joe can help her conquer a rabid pack of zombie politicians before they wreak havoc with the few remaining institutions in our country which are free of government control."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Joe Smith has had one goal since his kindergarten class took a field trip to the fire department - to be a fireman. When he fails the physical due to a recessed testicle, he has to settle for taking a job doing laundry for the fire crew while waiting for the next test date to roll around. Then, one fateful night, his beloved Dalmatian, Cialis, gets loose in the firehouse and damages thousands of dollars worth of equipment with a cocked leg and poor aim. Joe knows his carelessness further endangers his lifelong dream.
    Enter Ambrosia, his grade school crush, former underwear model and the fire chief's daughter. She tells Joe she has information that could help him achieve his goal - which she'll be glad to share - if Joe can help her conquer a rabid pack of zombie cheerleaders before they eat the brains and the underwear of every human being.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Joe Smith has had one goal since his kindergarten class took a field trip to the fire department - to be a fireman. When he fails the physical due to priapis (also known as an erection that won't go away) causing his usually strong physical abilities to be somewhat diminished, he has to settle for taking a job tracking down fire victims to fill out a department performance survey for the fire crew while waiting for the next test date to roll around. Then, one fateful night, his beloved Dalmatian, PeaBrain, gets loose in the firehouse and damages thousands of dollars worth of equipment with a cocked leg and poor aim. Joe knows his carelessness further endangers his lifelong dream.


    Enter Ambrosia, his grade school crush, former professional ballroom dancing partner and the fire chief's daughter. She tells Joe she has information that could help him achieve his goal - which she'll be glad to share - if Joe can help her conquer a rabid pack of zombie politicians before they wreak havoc with the few remaining institutions in our country which are free of government control."

    ReplyDelete

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